- BIBLE MISINTERPRETATIONS -

The Bible says it's alright to be a bitch: Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Jerusalem.
 Jesus drove a Honda: All the disciples were in one Accord.
The first mention in the Bible of Drugs: The adultress getting stoned...
of Elasticity: Jesus tying his ass to a tree and then walking 40 miles into the desert
of Soccer: Jesus going up for the cross
of Motorcycles: The roar of David's Triumph was heard through out the land.
of Sex: Jesus going to Mount Olive....then getting laid in the tomb

Cicero and the Travelling Arcadians

Cicero relates the story of two traveling Arcadians who went to different lodgings--one to an inn, and the other to a private house. During the night the latter dreamed that his friend was begging for help. The dreamer awoke; but, thinking the matter unworthy of notice, went to sleep again. The second time he dreamed his friend appeared, saying it would be too late, for he had already been murdered and his body hid in a cart, under manure. The cart was afterward sought for and the body found. Cicero also wrote, ``If the gods love men they will certainly disclose their purposes to them in sleep."

So much has already been written concerning dreams and their interpretation that a lengthy discussion of the subject is out of place even in such a work as this; however, for the benefit of those who are inclined to be skeptical, a brief historical review of the theory of dreams cannot be avoided. It is plain that even in the savage's conception of dreaming there is room for the thought of a Divine announcement, the essence of which so to speak lies in the fact that it conveys to the dreamer something which the Divine personage wishes him to know, whether it be the will of this Being in the shape of a command, or a prohibition, or some fact as yet unknown, past or future, the knowledge of which will be of practical value to the recipient. The Divine communication which thus makes use of the medium of a dream will, it is plain, vary considerably in the degree of its intelligibility. Sometimes the meaning of the message is obvious and unmistakable; the actions to be performed and the facts to be known are revealed plainly and directly; in such cases there is little need of a dream book, on the other hand the communication may be disguised and only partially divulged by symbol, in which case there arises the necessity of an art of interpretation. Spencer says: "It follows from what has been said respecting the novelty of dream combinations that many of the usual images which make up so large a bulk of our dreams cannot easily be fitted to any actual order of events; they must be regarded as symbolic. Accordingly we find that the symbolic function of dreams has been fully recognized in all the theories of dreaming now dealt with; agreeably with this supposition the task of deciphering dream symbols gradually grew into a skilled art.'' Homer declares that dreams are sent by the gods intended to enlighten but often deceiving. Thus it will be seen that in all ages and by all classes have dreams been held in reverence as coming from the spirit world. The art of interpretation being crude and unreliable at first, has made rapid strides in the last two centuries.